Fun
Frisky
Nostalgic
Intense
Adventurous
Choked Up
Curious
Romantic
Weird
There were few TV shows this season more consistently delightful than The CW’s Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and one of its chief pleasures was getting to revel in the musical numbers that made the show so unique. Series star Rachel Bloom and music producer Adam Schlesinger delivered anywhere from one to three songs per episode, covering a multitude of genres. Not only has the music helped to set Crazy Ex-Girlfriend apart in a TV landscape where it’s so easy to disappear into the vast ocean of quality TV, but they’ve been great for a YouTube binge or even a friendly midday earworm.
What’s been even better when it comes to the songs has been the fact that Bloom herself will host explicit versions of some of the songs on her own YouTube channel. Not every song on the show has a counterpart with dirtier words, but for the ones that do, it’s a nice window into what gets nixed on the journey to broadcast.
A universal truth is that everything is made better with naughty words, but which of these songs was made the most awesome by throwing off the censors? Allow us to examine and rank.
'I'm So Good at Yoga'
Sample lyric change:
(clean): “Look at her, look at her / I orgasm instantly”
(explicit): “Look at her, look at her / I cum vaginally”
“I’m So Good at Yoga” loses some points right off the bat because the explicit “I kiss my own pussy, can you do that?” is actually not as funny as “I kiss my own hoo-ha,” so score one for the censors there. But those losses are immediately made up for by being able to go the full f-word with “Fuuuuuuck you, you’re fat.”
'The Sexy Getting Ready Song'
Sample lyric:
(explicit): “I’m gonna whisper your dick hard”
Look, “whisper your dick hard,” but the uncensored version of “The Sexy Getting Ready Song” begins and ends with the ass blood. Nothing in the cleaned-up-for-TV version of the song gets the point across about the pain of women making themselves presentable for men than the ass blood.
'I'm a Good Person'
As anybody who has ever watched Training Day on cable TV can tell you, “don’t have nothing on me” / “don’t have shit on me” is a tried and true TV edit. It doesn’t make it any less disappointing to see it employed though. Aside from the fact that the entire point of “I’m a Good Person” is dulled if you sand down Rebecca’s abrasiveness and language, examining the uncensored version of this song is incredibly instructive when it comes to seeing what does and doesn’t work for network TV.
BAD: cumming in your face
GOOD: spitting in your eye
BAD: lick my balls
GOOD: kiss my ass
BAD: fuckwads
GOOD: douchebags
BAD: fuck you
GOOD: screw you
I mean, we knew that last part. But the ass/balls dichotomy is honestly fascinating, right? Look, it’s obvious: the more coarse Rebecca can be in this song, the funnier it is. Let the woman curse.
'I Give Good Parent'
Sample lyric:
(clean) “Your home’s such a beautiful, comfortable space / Bitches, you two have wonderful taste”
(explicit) “Your home’s such a beautiful comfortable space / Like my pussy, you two have wonderful taste”
I’m not sure what else needs to be said. Once again, the gulf between who Rebecca is presenting as and who Rebecca is at heart is the entire point of the song. The nastier she can be, the better. Which is why the entire final verse of the song diverges completely from one version to the other. There’s just no way to soft-pedal drained scrotums and drenched vaginas, I guess.
'JAP Battle'
Sample lyric:
(clean): “keeping your piehole shut would be quite wise / though you kept it wide open for those A.E.Pi guys”
(explicit): “Here’s one category where you have no rival / Blowing frat guys with your A.E.Pi hole”
It’s a world of difference. More importantly, the sheket bavakasha joke is so much better in the dirty version. Sorry, moms and dads. “Fuck” is funnier than “hell.” Plus the JAP battle sounds so much harder when Audra Levine can spit about the “fuckin’ shtetl” that Rebecca moved to. “JAP Battle” might be the crowning achievement of season 1 no matter what, but with the explicit version in play, there’s just no question.
